Day One : My New Life

Greetings all,
After my blog post last night I had a pretty lengthy conversation with a great friend of mine, and it definitely got me thinking.  In response to all of my questions from last night, I'm looking at it all the wrong way.  I need to start smaller, I need to start from the beginning. I need to start with me.

Impacting the world positively starts with impacting others.  How can I impact others positively, if I myself, am not positive?  Helping myself first is really the only way I'll ever get a chance to help others.  What better time to start than now?

So this morning, I got up, showered, hit the road, played my music a little louder, I sang when I knew the words, I sang when I didn't know the words, who cares who was watching as I hit EVERY stop light on the way to work?  Maybe they laughed, maybe they smiled, maybe they will giggle to themselves next time they hear that song playing on the radio... who knows.  All I know is that it felt good.

Today at work, I said "Good morning" to everyone I passed.  I smiled more.  I made more conversation than I generally do.  I worked a little faster, and I got a lot more done.  When I left work, I went and signed up at the gym.  Why not get into shape and participate in all the marathons and things that I always see in the name of a good cause?  So, my current personal goal, make time to consistantly go to the gym and by the end of the year, I want to have participated in a minimum of FIVE events...

Do you think I can do it?

Attempting to Cope

Hi everyone,


Craig Small
1982 - 2013

Long time no post.  Lame, I know, but life gets in the way.  Anyhow, I've had so much on my mind lately and I feel the need to vent.  What better place than a public forum that is rarely visited?  Now, where do I begin?

I guess what is weighing the heaviest on me right now, and probably for some time, is the recent passing of an amazing guy who is very dear to me.  His name is Craig and he left us last Tuesday morning.  This is the first time I've been confronted with loss, and man is it confusing.  I think the thing that I find to be the hardest to wrap my mind around is what an impact this is having on my day to day life.

See, Craig and I weren't best friends.  We didn't ever hang out in the same group of friends.  In 2010, I met him on Facebook.  I was living in Alabama at the time, him in Florida.  We texted back and forth for a few weeks before I ended up moving back to Florida myself.  We hung out a total of TWO times.  After that, we continued to text but little by little the messages slowed until we really weren't talking at all.  No falling out or anything of the sort, just distance.  So I guess the question is, how can the passing of someone who I knew so little about be such a tremendous weight on me?

Nothing makes sense anymore.  He was such a good guy who did so much for so many people.  Why would someone like that be taken so soon.  I'm not even a quarter of what that man was, and yet I get to stay?  What have I done that makes me so deserving?  Who have I helped?  What have I done for others?  Nothing.  By comparison, I live a pretty selfish lifestyle.  But what can I do to change it?

I spend my days at a job that helps nobody.  I'm going to school for nursing, but that isn't going to help anyone for a long time.  Then there's homework, laundry, dishes...  Where does one find the time to help people?  Where can I find the time to make a difference?  How did Craig do it?  And now it's too late to ask him.